Lovely

A few weeks ago as a team of ladies and I jetted from airport to airport on our way to Haiti I poured through the pages of a book loved by Christian women everywhere, Captivating. For years I have listen to ladies just cherish the sweet secrets of every women's heart that unfold in the pages of that book. But to be honest, I had never really read it. I mean I had flipped through the pages here and there. I had from time to time grabbed a verse or read a chapter that seemed needed at the time. I figured that a long day or two of journeying to a foreign country where our mission was to love and teach women was a great chance to see what I had been missing. What a timely opportunity. If you have read the book you know that more than a few times the author highlights the desire of every woman's heart to be seen as LOVELY.

When I was graciously brought back to the Lord 5 years ago and began going to church again I remember looking around and thinking, wow these women are so beautiful. At the time I believed it was because they had "done things right", not at all like me. I had stumbled so many times the idea that I could even begin to build relationships with these women seemed impossible. I remember one night going home and weeping to my mother, I thought "I will never be like these girls, they never laugh too loud or cry too hard, they never say the wrong thing. Surly they have never fallen away or made mistakes that seemed to swallow them up." I thought they were perfect and I wasn't blind to the fact that I was far from that.  But what I didn't know is these women I looked up to, revered, and admired,where not perfect, they were Lovely.

As the years progressed and the Lord blessed me with friendships, sisters, women in my life that would open up their lives and with vulnerable courage begin to show me their hearts. I began to see the truth. These were not women that had somehow evaded the trials of life.. They had stories, they had hurts and wounds, pains and failures just like me. These women where not perfect at all.

The most beautiful women I have been blessed to come to know over the years are not the ones that always have the right answer, dress size, or eloquent speech. Don't get me wrong, they work hard, they seek the Lord to become more like Him, and take care of the bodies and blessings they have been given. But, the most beautiful women I know are the ones who like Esther, went into the palace of the King and they were washed clean. Beauty shines through their love, healing, and surrendered lives. The image of God is what makes their eyes sparkle and their smiles draw you to them. They are strong and vulnerable, courageous and dependant on the Father, beautiful and unashamed. This loveliness does not only shine through women in my town, my church, or my family. This is a loveliness I have been blessed to see in some of the ugliest situations, or horrific circumstances. In far off countries like Haiti where the world has literally crumbled around them.

They reflect the Lord's........

Wisdom and Kindness

Tenderness and Innocence

Heart for the broken hearted.

Surrender.

Life!

JOY!

Love. 

Thank you Lord for all the women who have opened up their lives to share your lovliness with me.

With all my heart,

Amanda

Learning to Listen

A Blog?? Really? ME? If you know me at all you know a few things. I am not a writer, I am not a speller (please feel free to bask in the many errors that you might find in this), I always said would never do a blog. Don't get me wrong I love to read and glean from the venerability others may share on their own beautifully crafted and eloquently spoken pages but doing it myself is FAR outside of my comfort zone. But one thing I AM trying to be is a listener. So if someone tells me to share I better listen, and I feel like I am being told to share.

To be honest I have never been good at listening. I like to pretend I am. I mean its kind of my job! But in reality I am usually thinking way to hard about responding well. Giving the right advice, encouragement, reaction. I have spent most of my life desperately trying to say just the right thing, "Don't mess this up Amanda! They might leave, you might hurt them, they might hurt you, you might screw it all up!". The truth is I have been a very selfish listener.
 A few months ago I realized that this poor habit had not only invaded my relationship with friends and family but with the most important person of all... you guessed it... God. Oie Vey! Always trying to prove to Him I was good, I could be better, I would know the right answer or say the right thing... I did this for a LONG time. Sometimes my efforts to be "good" were so exhausting that I fell straight into sin, sometimes after long bouts of these tiring efforts I hurt myself, sometimes I hurt others. But God is so gracious isn't He. He gets us to the point where we can't fight anymore, we can't try, we can't talk or pretend our way through life anymore and that is when we listen.

I am learning to listen.

I spent the last week in a country racked with poverty and devastation. I spent it surrounded by women of all ages and backgrounds that are learning to listen, to share, to LOVE. Some of these women hear Him in the silence, some hear Him in the sweet words of their small children, some hear His voice loud and clear amidst buildings crumbling around them. This journey has taught me more than I ever could have imagined. I did not try, God did not ask me to prove anything to Him or "be" anything. He simply called me "Do you want to go on a journey Amanda? Do you trust me to lead the way?". As I learn to listen I am also learning to share. Share not what I think you want to hear, or what will make me look "good" but what He speaks.

So here I go.... not climbing or trying... just falling. Into love, into truth, into GRACE, and what a fabulous fall it is :)

I will share more about Haiti but it has been taking my awhile to even form the words. If you want to read more about the team, the mission, and what He did you can read it here http://www.hespeaksinthesilence.com/category/etc/.